I once got a standing ovation. Just before they all walked out.
A man asked me for directions in a very rude manner. I soon told him where to go.
I like religious people, but I couldn't eat a holy one.
Eggs. They're not all they're cracked up to be.
I went to see a panto. Couldn't find the theatre. Then I realised. It was behind me.
I'm suspicious of my imaginary girlfriend. I think somebody else is seeing her.
The worst thing about writing for radio is that the visual gags don't work so well.
At school, my headmaster often gave me the cane. And if I was naughty, I'd get lines.
I've just been to see the Mona Lisa. Cor, dear, she's no oil painting.
Okay, I admit it. I've had surgery. I had my tonsils taken out when I was a kid.