Home    Read my words    Watch and listen    Contact me    Download my CV    Other stuff   My jokes... More examples of my writing My jokes have been performed on BBC Radio sketch shows such as NewsJack and Watson's Wind-Up, and on stage by sketch troupes NewsRevue, London and The Treason Show, Brighton. If you are a production company looking for a gag writer, then please get in touch A few examples of my jokes...   I once got a standing ovation. Just before they all walked out.   A man asked me for directions in a very rude manner. I soon told him where to go.   I like religious people, but I couldn't eat a holy one.   Eggs. They're not all they're cracked up to be.   I went to see a panto. Couldn't find the theatre. Then I realised. It was behind me.   I'm suspicious of my imaginary girlfriend. I think somebody else is seeing her.   The worst thing about writing for radio is that the visual gags don't work so well.   At school, my headmaster often gave me the cane. And if I was naughty, I'd get lines.   I've just been to see the Mona Lisa. Cor, dear, she's no oil painting.   Okay, I admit it. I've had surgery. I had my tonsils taken out when I was a kid. My cartoon jokes... "Sorry, mate. I think you've got the wrong number." "Are you sure this is necessary? All I asked for was a passport photograph." "My mate married beneath him. He rents the flat above the registry office." Random Mikey quote: "There are two types of people in this life. Those who tell you there are two types of people and those who don't give a sh*t how many types of people there are."