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Our House It Won't Sell (co-written with Pauline Golds) (To the tune of I Know Him So Well by Elaine Paige And Barbara Dickson) (Song about the housing crisis) Listen to this song Nothing is so good in this economy The bank is not completely on your side Looks like we're moving to a wheely bin But still the mortgage there will be too high Looking back, I could have played it differently With a fixed rate mortgage, who can tell And now we have ne-ga-tive equity Gordon Brown, we hope you rot in Hell Wasn't it good? (The house boom) Now it's not fine. (For sale sign) Can't make the mortgage Payments on time We didn't know How it would go if we'd known from the start We would have invested in art Wasn't it good? (The house boom) Now it's not fine. (For sale sign) Can't make the mortgage Payments on time And even though we spent a little bit more on the new Conservatory And all the laminated flooring Our house it won't sell It took time to paint the landing Our house it won't sell Downturn (To the tune of Downtown by Petula Clark) (Song about the recession) You're losing your home Because you can't pay your loan An economical Downturn Your bills are so high So much they're making you cry An astronomical Downturn The country's in a mess, because of bankers in the city Who took too many risks with all the money in the kitty You're losing again This country’s beyond repair You can't forget all your troubles, and nobody cares With this downturn Banks will not lend to you Downturn There's nothing you can do Downturn There's nothing waiting for you (downturn, downturn, downturn, downturn) The High Street stores You find they're closing their doors An economical Downturn A matter of time Before your job's on the line An astronomical Downturn You walk to work on Monday, but the firm is facing closure Guaranteed you're signing on before the week is over It's crappy again This country’s beyond repair You can't forget all your troubles, and nobody cares With this downturn Banks will not lend to you Downturn There's nothing you can do Downturn There's nothing waiting for you. Vote For Me Now (To the tune of Don't Stop Me Now by Queen) (Song about David Cameron during the live TV debates for the 2010 General Election) Tonight I’m gonna have myself TV air time I’m going live And the world turfing Labour out, yeah I’m gloating, I’m bound To win those seats, so Vote for me now Vote for me, ‘cause I’ll give you a good time, give you a good time I’m Conservative on which you can rely A survivor, defying the laws of me, me, me I’m a superstar prancing by You’ve got to decide now You’ve gotta vote, vote, vote There’s no stopping me On the BBC and Sky, yeah You’re looking at me That’s why they call me Mister Airbrushed-Out A pretty boy without a doubt I wanna make a supersonic nation of you Vote for me now I’ll give you such a good time, I’ll be a good boss Vote for me now If you wanna have a good time, just give me that cross (Vote for me now) ‘Cause I’ll give you a good time (Vote for me now) We’ll get back to the good times I don’t want to stop at all I’m talking so much shit, it’s coming out my arse It’s your decision, ‘cause I hope you’re holding tight, I’m after your soul I’m a politician ready to be called Into Number 10, about to Win, win, win, win, win your vote On the BBC and Sky, yeah You’re looking at me That’s why they call me Mister Airbrushed-Out A pretty boy without a doubt I wanna make a supersonic nation of you Vote for me now Just give me loads of your time, I’ll get rid of Brown Vote for me now Don’t give Labour any more time, they’re letting you down (Vote for me now) ‘Cause I’ll give you a good time (Vote for me now) We’ll get back to the good times I don’t want to stop at all We Make Good TV (To the tune of I Want To Break Free by Queen) (Song about the Peter Andre and Katie Price split) We make good TV We make good TV We make good TV of our lives We're so self satisfied, we're so greedy We make good TV Katie Katie, I want to break free Our story of love Our story of love, it's on prime time On ITV2, it's so real But Katie looks rough, yeah Katie And Peter's Divorce you will love It's ITV2 Hey. I can't get over the way they film us like they do But I'm going to be poor If I walk out that door Oh how I want to be free, Jordan But how I'll miss that money Oh how I want some TV But life still goes on I see repeats on Living TV, Living TV, Living TV are On my side Maybe they will make my show It's called Peter Makes It On His Own So TV can't you see You cannot live without me We make good TV We make good TV, yeah

Steal It (To the tune of Beat It by Michael Jackson) (Song about twatty hoodies) Us Hoodies, we do all the stealin' round here And if it isn't nailed down, it'll disappear With pound signs in our eyes when we are flogging hot gear We'll steal it, just steal it You'd better run or we will cut you up, man And then we'll have a joyride in a stolen van We'll cover up our faces when we're mugging your gran We'll steal it. Coz we wanna be bad Just steal it, steal it, steal it, steal it, Hoodies will not be defeated We think it's funny, we'll start a fight It doesn't matter what's wrong or right Just steal it, steal it, steal it, steal it, Hoodies will not be defeated We think it's funny, we'll start a fight It doesn't matter what's wrong or right Just steal it (steal it, steal it....) We are the Hoodies, better leave with your life Unless you want a run-in with a kitchen knife We hang around the streets, causing trouble and strife We'll steal it, just steal it We're playing X-Box and we're smoking our weed The Hoodie generation are born out of greed We'll kick you, then we'll beat you and we'll never concede We'll steal it. Coz we wanna be bad Just steal it, steal it, steal it, steal it, Hoodies will not be defeated We think it's funny, we'll start a fight It doesn't matter what's wrong or right Just steal it, steal it, steal it, steal it, Hoodies will not be defeated We think it's funny, we'll start a fight It doesn't matter what's wrong or right Just steal it (steal it, steal it....) When I Fall In Hove (To the tune of When I Fall In Love by Nat King Cole) (Song about Brighton And Hove Council not doing a good job of gritting the roads) When I fall in Hove It will be the weather Or I’ll never fall in Hove In a restless town like this is Snow is ended before it’s begun But the Council never grit it Doesn’t thaw in the warmth of the sun When they grit the paths It is incompletely For they never can be arsed Any moment I will end up In A and E too Is when I fall in Hove with you Hopelessly I Voted For You (To the tune of Hopelessly Devoted To You by Olivia Newton John) (Song about a Labour voter who is sad that Gordon Brown lost the 2010 General Election) Guess yours is not the first seat taken Glass eyes are not the first to cry Now Gordon’s had to go There’s just no getting over you And hopelessly I voted for you But now That radio mic Got you pushed and cast aside Now Labour is dead Hopelessly I voted for you Hopelessly I voted for you Now Cameron’s saying “Fool, forget him” And Clegg is saying “Let him go” And oh God, it’s the end They’ll cut public spending too And hopelessly I voted for you But now My Gordon’s resigned Since I cast my vote inside Now Labour is dead Hopelessly I voted for you Hopelessly I voted for you Hopelessly I voted for you Our House (To the tune of Our House by Madness) (Song about the MP expenses scandal) My expenses aren't obscene My second home, it needs a clean I think I'll get my brother in Need to fit mock tudor beams And the boiler needs replacing Cause the water's far too hot Our house, not too far from Downing Street Our house, got my false expenses sheet Our house, second homes are not that cheap Our house, claiming false expenses Claiming for a new TV Of widescreen variety I so believe in quality Claim the mortgage on my flat Even though my family home Is twenty miles away Our house, not too far from Downing Street Our house, got my false expenses sheet Our house, second homes are not that cheap Our house, claiming false expenses My back garden's in a state I think I'll get somebody in Expenses sheet I'm filling in Council tax is overdue I'll give it to the taxpayer Who'll gladly foot the bill Our house, not too far from Downing Street Our house, got my false expenses sheet Our house, second homes are not that cheap Our house, claiming false expenses I remember way back when All our claims were false and when We would claim such a very good time Such a fine time Such a happy time And I remember how we'd pay Simply waste the day away Then one day The Telegraph came between us Oh Jesus! My expenses aren't obscene My second home, it needs a clean I think I'll get my brother in Need to fit mock tudor beams And the boiler needs replacing Cause the water's far too hot Our house, not too far from Downing Street Our house, got my false expenses sheet Our house, second homes are not that cheap Our house, claiming false expenses